


Click

by FatalViolet520



Series: Golcha University AU [1]
Category: Golden Child (Korea Band), Stray Kids (Band) (they have a cameo)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Accidental Plot, Aged-Down Character(s), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Cameras, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Intensely Requited Love, M/M, Minor stress attacks, OT11 - Freeform, a teeny tiny bit of angst, alright sue me so i love jaeseokie, also, fight me, fluff with plot, ft. hong photographer, i fucked up the timeline so badly i apologise, mental breakdowns, okay there's some swearing, so sweet ur teeth fall out, soft, there's some crack in the middle where u can clearly see me Losing My Mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 22:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14987414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatalViolet520/pseuds/FatalViolet520
Summary: 5 times Joochan takes photos of Donghyun because he's in love and Donghyun is ethereal.(and the one time he doesn't.)Alternatively, consider this - Donghyun and Joochan, madly in love with each other and annoying everyone around them with their PDA despite claiming they're not dating.





	Click

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goldengoldies11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldengoldies11/gifts).



> GUESS WHO IS BACK I AM ALIVE AND KICKING finally posting something since... January. Fuck. Guys i'm so sorry it's been 7 months HAHAHA also im sorry if there are typos in this editing this is a hellish task and i may have missed smth out so if u do pls point it out to me!!!
> 
> And now!! Dedicated to the ever lovely goldengoldies11, because i love 'wdyth' very much and I want to spoil them with some dongchan fluff <3 I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed 'Why don't you text him?'! ((guys go read it it's great and it's a chat fic)) BUT I HAVE JUST REALISED YOU'RE THE AUTHOR OF 'I didn't mean to peek (but you were so amazing)' which was my FIRST GOLCHA FIC AND I REALLY LOVED IT *fangirling* AND I REALLY LOVE YOU <3 ahh im sorry this took so long to come out uhuhu i hope you enjoy it!!!
> 
> Trigger Warning!! Donghyun has a mild stress (panic??) attack at Part IV - Stressed Out. This is a heads up for anyone who may need it! I based it off my own stress meltdowns that often happen, so I do apologise if I misrepresented anything - if I did don't hesitate to drop by and leave a comment (please make this constructive ofc)
> 
> Moving on, it's great to finally post something *stretches arms* so relax and enjoy this~ A little trivia, this was first titled 'Take A Photo So It Lasts Longer (it'll last forever in my heart)' but I decided on 'Click' bc it's shorter and also a major part throughout this fic :))

 

_I'll take a picture everyday of you,_

_Show you you through my eyes,_

_Try to make you understand why I love you so,_

_But every picture I take still_

_Doesn't do justice to you, my love,_

_If you'll meet me halfway,_

_I'll show you all the things I love about you._

  

* * *

 

 I. Chocolate Chip Cookies

 

“I want food.”

 

Joochan isn’t expecting Donghyun to suddenly up and jolt away from his bed opposite his own, sitting up straight like he’s being exorcised. “ _Food_ ,” Donghyun repeats hollowly, “Food. Oh no.” Joochan can almost hear the apathy in his voice, and waits for Donghyun to continue. “I forgot to bake something for tomorrow. Jaeseok-hyung is going to kill me. You’re going to have to find a new roommate -”

 

“What - what does baking have to do with me wanting food?” Joochan whines, burying his head further into his pillow and shoving his textbooks far, far away, “You have the rest of today and tomorrow morning to bake some cookies or a cake or whatever for Bominie’s surprise party. If you really don’t want to, tell the rest our oven broke down again and all you have is raw cookie dough. Wait - no, doesn’t Bomin like cookie dough better than actual baked cookies -”

 

“I’m going to bake some right now,” Donghyun announces, standing up, “If you want food then come and help me. Or you can’t touch whatever I’ve baked until the party tomorrow.”

 

“... I could always go out to buy food,” Joochan says, but he’s getting up and following Donghyun into their pitifully small kitchen, rolling his sleeves up to wash his hands.

 

Donghyun gives him an amused look. “Okay, whatever you say, Joochannie.” He reaches up to pull the flour from the cupboard and starts rummaging around in their fridge, wondering if they have any eggs left. “Hey, did we run out of eggs?” He manages to find a new stick of butter hidden away right at the back of the fridge - what a miracle, butter is always so goddamn expensive so he hasn’t bought any for the past few months - and a small bottle of vanilla extract that has elapsed the ‘best by’ date by five months. No one’s going to notice (he thinks). All that’s left are the chocolate chips, but he can’t find them - probably in the cupboard if he can't find them here, he supposes.

 

“I think so. Didn’t Daeyeol-hyung make scrambled eggs for everyone the last time they came round?” And by everyone, Joochan means all eleven of them. Of course they’re out of eggs at this rate. Before Donghyun can even open his mouth to grumble about this, Joochan’s looking down at him at where he’s crouched on the ground, and he’s smiling. “I’ll go get some. The store is only a block away. Do you want me to pick up anything else?”

 

Hell, Donghyun’s in love. “Oh - yeah, sure. Thanks. Just - just eggs will do. Wait, no - see if you can pick up a new roll of baking sheets. We’re running out.” He watches Joochan shrug a coat on and fusses about, telling him to at least put on a scarf as well.

 

“You’re becoming soft and domestic,” Joochan comments, lips quirking as he slips his shoes on, “I like it. I’ll be back in 10 minutes. See you.” He reaches for his camera on their bar counter reflexively, never going anywhere without it in fear of missing out on a good picture.

 

Donghyun tries really hard to scowl. “Whatever. See you in a while. Love you.” There’s a moment of silence in which Joochan almost drops his camera and Donghyun realises his brain-to-mouth filter must have dropped in the most unceremonious way possible. _Shit, shit, I fucked up, he’s going to -_

 

“Love you too.” Joochan says loudly, cutting through Donghyun’s internal monologue and then Donghyun is left staring at his back. He watches Joochan turn the corner into the hallway for the stairs, then his blush starts forcing its way up his neck and into his cheeks. He shuts the door hurriedly and paces back into the kitchen.

 

“Idiot,” Donghyun whispers under his breath, then shakes it off as best as he can, measuring the flour out, “Really, what an idiot,” He repeats - just to convince himself - and extracts a spatula from the kitchen drawer, “I really am in love with an idiot,” His hand shakes when he mixes the flour in with the sugar, butter and milk, not patient enough to wait for the butter to melt. In hindsight, he really should have thrown the butter into the microwave for a few seconds. Donghyun’s not about to admit his shortcomings when he’s _baking_ , of all things.

 

So Donghyun spends Joochan’s promised 10 minutes cursing the butter and himself and his lack of foresight, and he manages to get some of the half-finished cookie dough onto his face and shirt. Therefore, he completely ignores the telltale noises of the key turning in the door in lieu of actually mixing the properly softened butter into the flour and grabbing a cloth to scrub at his clothes so he’s completely distracted and -

 

 _Click_.

 

Donghyun turns to his right, from where the sound emitted, and another _click_ tells him it’s Joochan. He sighs, half fond and half exasperated. “You must have hundreds of photos of me,” He says, trying very hard to not show he’s secretly pleased and flattered, “You probably have enough to start a gallery dedicated to me.”

 

Joochan makes an affirmative noise and snaps a few more photos of - in his opinion - a very adorable Donghyun drowning in a large sweater and dollops of cookie dough smeared on him. “I probably could,” He starts off, making sure to keep his voice neutral, “But I don’t want to share these photos. These are ours.” He places the eggs and baking sheet on the countertop before leaving to drape his coat over the sofa and go to the bathroom.

 

It’s lucky he left, because this time, Donghyun can’t keep his blush down. He reaches over for the eggs and cracks a few of them into the dough in rapid succession. He’s just disposed of them and is ready to start mixing them in when a pair of warm arms encircle him and the hands take the spatula.

 

“Let me do it,” Joochan says, though his voice is strangely low, as if he’s afraid of disturbing the sudden serenity that has fallen over their haphazard kitchen. “By the way,” He adds, when Donghyun surrenders the spatula and bowl to him, “You have cookie dough on your nose.” Before Donghyun can even try to wipe it off, Joochan leans over and -

 

 _Kisses the small dollop of cookie dough off_.

 

Donghyun is very, very sure his face is as red as his sweater right now. Spluttering, he tries to get his mind back on track. “I  - you - you didn’t need to do that!” He says, staring at Joochan with an accusatory tone, “You could have just _told_ me and -”

 

“I wanted to.”

 

It’s enough for Donghyun to shut up and for his face to flame up again, though he can see Joochan’s ears are turning red. I wanted to. Donghyun is very, very sure at this point that their crushes on each other are mutual - have been mutual for at least half a year, if Donghyun dares to trust his friends. He knew that eventually, one of them would have to suck it up and make a move but - he just wasn’t expecting for Joochan to make the first move, nor make such a bold first move.

 

Yet - Donghyun likes it. He likes this Joochan, the slightly flirty but always kind and compassionate Joochan, and he’s in ten different kinds of love with him.

 

“See if I’ll let you even hug me next time,” Donghyun finally grumbles out, even though he says it with a smile, and Joochan grins. “Hey, where did you put the chocolate chips after you made pancakes the last time?”

 

“Oh - they’re in the cupboard there,” Joochan jerks his chin at one of the overhead cupboards, “Pretty sure there’s a half pack left.” He leaves Donghyun to go through the disaster that he left the cupboard in and studiously ignores the vanilla extract’s best by date as he splashes in a teaspoon of it. “We’re making half vanilla half chocolate?”

 

“Mmhm,” Donghyun says distractedly, “One batch of vanilla and another with the - _aha_! I found you!” He says with some triumph, and dumps the opened bag of chocolate chips on the counter. “Let’s get the vanilla ones in first, then we can add the chocolate chips.”

 

They work in silence, Joochan preparing the tray and Donghyun dropping the cookie dough onto the baking sheet. “Okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Joochan shoves the tray in their oven (it has a startlingly tendency to stop working and emit worrying noises at the oddest of times, but it comes with living in a rented apartment) and starts preparing the second tray as Donghyun folds the chocolate chips into the dough.

 

“You know I have a dance showcase at the end of the year right?” Donghyun says after casting his mind around for something to say, “I - I’m not sure when the final date is but there’s an after-party because some scouts are coming so -” He swallows hard, briefly glancing up, then continues, “So we can bring a plus-one, and - and - do you wanna come with me?” He drops the last of the cookie dough onto the tray and looks up properly.

 

Joochan is already looking at him.

 

“I’d love to,” Joochan says easily, “I’ll free up my dates around that week so nothing clashes. What are you doing? Group or solo? Are you doing hip-hop like last year?”

 

Donghyun smiles, a happy bubble forming in his chest. “I’ve been given a duet with one of my teammates. We’re doing contemporary dance this year, since our captain said we should try something out of our comfort zone. I’ll let you know when the final date’s confirmed.”

 

“You’ll be great!” Joochan says confidently, setting the unbaked tray aside to peer at the oven timer, “I remember when I used to go to dance practice with you in high school,” He laughs a bit sheepishly, “You were great, even then.”

 

It’s so terribly unfair how Joochan can just say things that makes Donghyun freeze up and blush like mad. “You were good too,” Donghyun eventually chokes out after Joochan goes to remove the cookies from the oven, “But - I love your singing.”

 

Joochan very nearly drops the tray of cookies.

 

“You can’t just _say_ that,” Joochan grumbles, his ears turning red, “Besides, it’s been ages since I sang.” He looks nostalgic as he methodically grabs the first tray to let it cool and push the other in to bake, “I used to mess around with the producing software too. Might go back to it if I have time, now that you’ve brought it up.”

 

“You should,” Donghyun immediately says, “Your voice is -” _Amazing, wonderful, I wanna listen to it forever, I’m in love with your voice and you_ , “Is - really good,” He settles for, all the first thoughts in his mind too much to say for now, “I love it when you sing,” He adds, mindlessly, and blanches slightly when he realises what he’s said.

 

“Oh,” Joochan says, sounding a little breathless, “Thank you.”

 

Just like that, Donghyun starts thinking about his dance showcase - it’s short and sweet, a minute of their contemporary before the group comes back in and they finish off with a grand solo from their captain - and the music he’s going to use. His captain had allowed them free reign on the music for his duet, provided it matched well with what the group’s decided on. Faintly, he recalls Joochan having produced a short song - a prelude, for fun - but he still remembers the haunting melody that had danced around him the first time he heard it. With a little bit of tweaking, he’s positive it would meld seamlessly with the group’s song and he'll just run it through his teammate to see if they can reach a meeting point.

 

“Something on your mind?” Joochan’s voice interrupts his thoughts, grounding Donghyun in a way only he can when Donghyun gets caught up in thinking too much.

 

Donghyun smiles at him, eyes crinkled with sunshine and happiness, “Yeah.”

 

“It’s not making you sad?”

 

“You’d know if it was.”

 

Joochan hums, reaching out to stroke Donghyun’s hand softly, “You’re right,” He looks at Donghyun - _really looks at him_ \- and his eyes are soft and full of affection, “I’d know.”

 

* * *

  

II. You ~~Fucking~~ Forgetful Dumbass

 

Their apartment is quiet. Unusually quiet - especially for a Friday night. Often, Friday night is their day off, and they’ll mess around in their small living room and choose something to watch on Netflix after pigging out on pizza and drinks. It’s their routine, their normal, something that Donghyun has come to look forward to ever since they moved in together after their first year at university together.

 

Except - it’s nearing ten at night and Joochan still isn’t home. Now this - this is unusual; Joochan always comes home by five, after his classes. What’s more, if he happens to be late, he’ll always call Donghyun or leave a text at the very least, so Donghyun knows what to expect. Donghyun is getting anxious, the fact that Joochan is so incredibly late, he hasn’t received any sign from Joochan and realising Joochan’s phone is off and unreachable only serves to worsen his anxiety. Trying his best to refrain from overthinking and spinning his imagination into something terrible, Donghyun decides to call Joochan one more time.

 

It goes straight to voicemail.

 

Just then, Donghyun’s phone rings, and he answers without looking at the ID, hoping to death that it’s Joochan and -

 

“Donghyun, is Joochan with you?”

 

It’s Daeyeol. “Ah - hyung. He’s not,” A cold sheen of ice wraps itself around his heart, “I haven’t heard from him at all and his phone is off. He usually comes home by 5 but he hasn’t and I don’t know where he is, hyung I’m so _worried_ -”

 

“Donghyunnie,” Daeyeol interrupts gently, “It’s okay, all right? He usually has business classes today, then he goes to the photography studio, doesn’t he? He might’ve forgotten the time or something. I’ll go to the studio to check if he’s there. Wait at home in case he comes back,” Then, before he hangs up, “Also, remember to chew him out when he comes back. He hates making you worried, if what Bominie tells me is true.”

 

“ _Hyung_!” Donghyun whines petulantly, momentarily abandoning his worry at what Daeyeol is insinuating. But the worry comes back in an avalanche when he hangs up, and he resumes chewing at his bottom lip out of nervousness. He hates staying and waiting, even though he knows what Daeyeol told him to do was perfectly reasonable - Joochan needs someone to come back to, and it’s far too late for him to go to the photography studio personally since his apartment is off campus.

 

Thus, Donghyun spends maybe ten minutes trying to calm himself down, drowning in a soft blanket he’d pilfered from Joochan’s bed. (It’s not his fault it’s so soft, and he likes it so much, mainly because it smells like Joochan’s body wash.) Outside, the night darkens to an onyx scroll made distinguishable by the pinpricks of streetlamps and houselights. Worry overrules whatever anger he had.

 

He’s sunken into a light daze, so when his phone starts ringing obnoxiously, he almost misses it at first. “Jaeseokie-hyung? Why -”

 

“We found your idiot boyfriend,” The voice says, “He -”

 

“Sungyoon-hyung, why do you have Jaeseokie-hyung’s phone?”

 

“Details,” Sungyoon says dismissively, and Donghyun can almost see him waving his hand, “We found Joochan sleeping in the photography studio. Jaeseok’s trying to wake him up and we’ll give him a ride back. I - _yes, what’s wrong babe_ \- he’s awake,” Sungyoon informs Donghyun after responding to what Donghyun assumes is Jaeseok away from the phone, “And I think he just realised the time. I’m gonna hang up. Oh - and Daeyeol-hyung has called already. We’ll see you in a while.”

 

“Thank you,” Donghyun says weakly with relief, clutching the blanket closer to him, “Tell him he’s an idiot.”

 

“Done.”

 

The call ends, but Donghyun hardly gets to rest before his phone rings again, this time with the ring tone he remembers Joochan setting for himself, because _you need to know it’s me calling you!_

 

“Donghyunnie!” Joochan’s panicked wail sounds as if he’s right next to Donghyun, like he’s prepared to grovel, “I’m sorry! I - I was looking through my photos, then I started up the computer and found some tracks I forgot I left in there and I fell asleep because -”

 

“- you didn’t sleep well last night and you had an exam today,” Donghyun says before guilt consumes Joochan whole, “I know. It’s not nice that you made us worry but it’s okay. We found you. Just - Just try not to do it again without telling anyone,” Donghyun adds, “And what happened to your phone?”

 

“… Left it on silent mode during the exam and I forgot to turn it back on,” Joochan admits, and Donghyun hears some rustles over the phone, “I’m gonna go now. I’ll talk to you at home?”

 

“Of course. See you.”

 

“See you,” Joochan says, and he hangs up.

 

“Love you,” Donghyun says to the phone, though it’s not connected anymore. It’s common for Joochan to get absorbed in his work - Donghyun has done the exact same when he’s focused on dancing, and Joochan has had to call him countless times to remind him he should start heading home before it’s too dark. Point is - they’ve made each other worried before, and they try to avoid situations such as these, but they aren’t entirely unavoidable. He isn’t mad that Joochan forgot the time, or that he forgot to turn his phone’s ringer back on; Joochan is still human, he’s bound to make mistakes every now and then. He’d only been anxious and nervous, with an unhealthy dash of worry that had stewed for a good two hours or more.

 

Donghyun just wants him home safe.

 

So he waits for another 15 minutes with considerably less worry than before, and springs up when he hears the key turn in the lock accompanied by the welcome jingle of the numerous key-chains he knows Joochan attached to his bundle of keys. Donghyun’s feet skid slightly, and he ends up standing in front of the entrance right as the door opens and he comes face to face with a pale Joochan. (Behind him, Jaeseok and Sungyoon make a hasty retreat after spying Donghyun standing in the doorway. _No way_ are they going to be spectacle to what will probably be a tearful reunion accompanied by much exclamations of love and promises. Why they always claim they aren’t dating is the biggest mystery known to man.)

 

“Donghyun,” Is all Joochan manages to get out before a pair of arms are thrown tightly around his shoulders. On instinct, he winds his arms back around Donghyun’s waist, curling into each other like time has stopped and the world no longer moves. After a few moments, he feels rather than hears Donghyun mutter something into the sleeve of his shirt. “Come again?”

 

“I said,” Donghyun repeats, pulling away slightly to see Joochan’s face, “Welcome home.”

 

A slow smile breaks over Joochan’s pensive expression, “I’m back. It’s good to be back,” Then he presses a fierce kiss to Donghyun’s forehead, relishing in the comfortable warmth that he emits.

 

“I missed you,” Donghyun says softly, then, “Are you hungry? Did you eat anything in the studio?” One look at Joochan’s face tells him he didn’t, so he pulls away with reluctance to head into the kitchen and shove the pizza into the microwave. “You can have some of the cold pizza in that box if you’re really hungry.”

 

It’s only when Joochan steps into the living room to find said boxes that he realises he missed out on their traditional movie night. The pillows are strewn around, and he can recognise his blanket draped haphazardly across the sofa; the laptop lies sadly in the corner, waiting to be used, with the pizza boxes and drinks piled on the coffee table. Instantly, guilt floods him.

 

Right at that moment, Donghyun comes to stand beside him. “Here,” He says, handing Joochan a plate with numerous hot pizza slices stacked up on it, “Eat. The ice in the drinks have melted and they’re honestly disgusting, but I’m not going to stop you if you want to drink it.” Donghyun hates lukewarm, watered-down drinks with a burning passion.

 

“You - You’re not mad?”

 

Puzzled, Donghyun looks at Joochan after picking his laptop up, “Mad? What’d I be angry about?”

 

Swallowing hard and gesturing at the slightly messy nest of pillows Donghyun had created, Joochan says, “I forgot to text you. Our movie night. I missed it completely -”

 

“It was an honest mistake and it’s still Friday,” Donghyun interrupts, “We have more than an hour to midnight. We have plenty of time to watch a movie,” He settles down and makes grabby hands at Joochan, who sits down beside him, “But I wanna hear about your tracks. What’d you do?”

 

Momentarily, Joochan is struck by how caring Donghyun is, how much he actually loves Donghyun, that whatever happens, he’ll want to be by his side for a long time coming then some more - and it’s with these thoughts that he blurts out, “I really love you. I love you so much.” _You’re perfect, I want to take care of you forever, I’ll always try to make you smile_.

 

The smile that blooms over Donghyun’s face along with the blush is something Joochan never wants to forget so he gets out his camera and -

 

 _Click_.

 

“Again with the photos,” Donghyun laughs after the flash dies out, not in the least bit put off, “Stop being so cheesy. I love you too. You have no idea.”

 

“I think I do,” Joochan returns, smile doubling in size and in affection. The urge to reach out and - _do something_ to show his affection intensifies with each passing second, but he’s holding a hot plate of pizza and Donghyun has a laptop on his lap. He’ll save the skinship for a later date.

 

“Eat,” Donghyun reminds him after Joochan doesn’t cease gazing at Donghyun with affectionate awe, “You’re starving. How did you do in the studio?”

 

Joochan polishes off a slice of pizza before answering. “Pretty good. I was tweaking one of the pieces I did for you when I fell asleep. It’s even better now! I’ll show it to you tomorrow.” He’s beaming, and it’s so contagious that Donghyun starts feeling excited too.

 

“I’m sure it’s great,” Donghyun agrees, a fond look settling upon his features as Joochan starts rambling about his songs and his photography. He listens intently, genuinely interested - just like how Joochan does when he goes off describing and explaining all of his dance routines in fine detail. When Joochan comes to an end, he abruptly shifts to a serious expression, startling Donghyun. “Why - What’s wrong?”

 

“Oh - I just remembered. I’m sorry, Donghyunnie,” Joochan says, setting the plate aside and carefully wiping the grease off his fingers with some tissue, “I made you worry and it’s never nice to worry. Next time if I’m not at home by seven you have my full permission to storm down to the studio and drag me in front of anyone who’s there.”

 

Donghyun bursts out laughing. “Really? Don’t renege on that promise now that you’ve said it. And so we’re fair - you can do the same to me at the dance studio if I’m not back by seven,” His eyes crinkle into small moons and it’s so _unfair_ how it makes Joochan’s heart jump a few beats, entirely overcome with affection, “Let’s remind each other to come home on time.”

 

 _My home is you. Home without you is not a home_.

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

They spend the rest of their night talking and laughing, laptop shoved aside in favour of cuddling. And Joochan is - mesmerised. Mesmerised by how the lights cast gorgeous shadows on Donghyun, how his eyelashes flutter delicately as he falls asleep, how he clutches softly at their shared blanket like he’s afraid he’ll be left alone. He’s about to try and get up to turn off the lights when Donghyun abruptly shifts and mutters something under his breath.

 

“Forgetful dumbass,” Is what Donghyun whispers, though there’s a sleepy smile, then, “My forgetful dumbass.”

 

Joochan suppresses the need to smother Donghyun in affection. Turning off the lights, he decides there’s no harm in settling back down to sleep on the sofa. After all, he has a movie promise to guarantee, and Donghyun is warm, his bed is cold; they have the whole weekend to themselves. As sleep lulls him into its embrace, he makes a silent promise to himself.

 

_I’ll never make Donghyun worried like that again._

 

* * *

  

III. Picnic Sort-of-Hangout-slash-Date

 

The first thing Donghyun hears early on a Thursday morning when he’s still sleeping is a loud, “ _Guys get the fuck up_!” It’s Jangjun. Of course it’s Jangjun, and inevitably -

 

“Get up people!” Youngtaek will follow.

 

“How many times have I told you not to shout as soon as you walk in the door?” Seungmin hisses.

 

There’s a foggy second in Donghyun’s head of _It’s too early_ before the thought of _Wait, how did they get in_ passes through his head and he jolts up from the living room sofa, a hoarse, “How did you guys get in here?” leaving his mouth before he realises he’s pushed Joochan off onto the ground. “Oh - sh - sorry,” Donghyun says hurriedly, eyes half-open and scrambles down to kneel at Joochan’s side.

 

“It’s fine,” Joochan says, a little winded, “I was up anyways. I let them in because they were knocking really loudly when I was trying to make breakfast and I didn’t want to wake you up. It’s a record, I think. Jangjun-hyung was quiet for at least 15 minutes.”

 

Donghyun misses the rest of what Joochan says after breakfast. “Breakfast? You made breakfast?”

 

“He slapped my hand away when I wanted toast,” Jangjun said peevishly, “So I’d say he made breakfast for _you_ only.”

 

“Because hyung,” Joochan says, “You already ate breakfast, from what Seungmin-hyung tells me, so no more breakfast for you. _We_ ,” He stresses, indicating himself and Donghyun, “Haven’t eaten anything. We didn’t eat dinner -”

 

“You didn’t eat dinner?” Seungmin interrupts, “I’m telling Jaeseok-hyung. Why didn’t you eat dinner?”

 

“There was nothing left to eat,” Donghyun says, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes, “Nothing that didn’t require cooking, that is. And it was too late to cook.”

 

“You guys were too lazy,” Youngtaek translates smoothly.

 

“That too,” Joochan agrees. “Donghyunnie, go wash up and we can have breakfast. Apparently there was a picnic we were not informed of?”

 

Donghyun goes wide-eyed from his spot on the floor. “Picnic? _Picnic_? Shit - I - Joochannie, I was supposed to tell you - _oh no_ \- Is that today? Like, today?” He scrambles for the coffee table and makes a grab at his phone, unlocking it hurriedly and swiping for his calendar app. “I - It _is_ today. Shit - Shit, I forgot to tell you, sorry,” Donghyun says, then gives a pained laugh, “I’ve been caught up in my practices and work, I’m sorry.”

 

Joochan smiles and leans over to pinch Donghyun’s cheeks. “It’s fine, no harm done. The hyungs’ came to pick us up earlier anyway, so we still have a lot of time to get ready.” He turns to Seungmin, “And speaking of which, do we need to bring anything?”

 

“Bring yourself,” Seungmin says.

 

“Goat milk,” Jangjun says.

 

“Candles and blood for a sacrifice,” Youngtaek says.

 

“What the _fuck_ ,” Joochan spits out, before recovering himself.

 

Seungmin spends the whole time that Donghyun spends washing up to lecture Jangjun and Youngtaek on why it’s not appropriate to bring blood to a picnic. “You can’t even keep it fresh,” He says, waving his arms about like a conductor, “And I don’t think it’s good to use stale blood -”

 

“And I thought your conversations couldn’t get any weirder,” Joochan inputs forcibly over a mouthful of pancakes, “Seriously, are your conversations at home always like this?” He dreads to think about the state of their dorm and the relationship with their dorm-mates at this point.

 

Donghyun emerges from the bathroom, bright-faced and fresh-breathed and had swapped his loose t-shirt and shorts for an equally loose hoodie and jeans. Making a detour to toss his dirty clothes into the laundry basket (that was overflowing, thank you very much), he slides into a seat next to Joochan at the bar counter that doubles as their dining table, he makes an incoherent noise.

 

“Alright you baby,” Joochan says with a slight a grumble, though there’s a definite hint of fondness seeping through his tone, “Here you go.” He pushes the pancakes towards Donghyun and gets down from his seat to open the fridge. “You want the same?”

 

“Yes, please,” Donghyun mumbles, “Thank you.” He says happily when Joochan sets a glass of juice in front of him. He’s still slightly sleep-dazed, and coupled with the fact that there’s actual, delicious food, his needs are easily satisfied and his happiness is palpable. His eyes are crinkled with the force of his smile and the bulge of his cheeks is exaggerated by the food he’s eating - it’s the cutest thing Joochan has seen this week so -

 

 _Click_.

 

“Sungyoon-hyung and Jaeseok-hyung were right,” Youngtaek breathed, “They really are _that_ nauseating, I can’t believe this - where’re our phones? _Quick, take a pic_!”

 

“I look terrible,” Donghyun complains, neither of them having heard a word of Youngtaek’s whispered monologue, “I’m not even awake yet and I’m _eating_ -”

“You were eating when I took that picture of you at the dance studio the day before,” Joochan says, waving his free hand vaguely as he looks at the photo he just took, “Besides, you don’t look terrible. You look - very cute. Yes, I said it,” He adds on impatiently as Donghyun blushes, “You already know, don’t you?”

 

“But… I don’t?”

 

“Of course you do,” Joochan looks at him weirdly, “You got those love letters didn’t you?”

 

“Oh - those?” Donghyun had been on the receiving end of a few roses and love letters in the earlier half of the year during Valentine’s, and it’s not something he likes to announce. In fact, it’s not something he likes at all. The fact that none of them had to do with a certain photographer was not related whatsoever. “I threw them out… Didn’t read them at all, actually - wait, how do you know what the letters said? Even _I_ don’t know,”

 

“I - I made a guess,” Joochan says evasively, before distracting Donghyun with two chocolate chip pancakes he had specially made. Truth be told, after Donghyun told him about the love letters, he had fished them out of the trash that night to peek at them. To his everlasting shame, Daeyeol had caught him (they were living on campus at that time, with Daeyeol and Seungmin as their roommates) and they had plotted ways to keep these admirers away from Donghyun. As it turned out, Donghyun didn’t need any sort of plan A or B, as he had kept the admirers well away with one sentence of _I’m sorry, I already like someone else_ then had blushed very obviously after staring none-too-subtly at Joochan. Donghyun thinks he is subtle. Joochan knows he isn’t but he loves him anyway.

 

“I hate to interrupt this lovely moment and all,” Jangjun says loudly, “But it’s nearly 9 and Jaeseok-hyung made me promise to get you guys there by half past 9.”

 

“Where’s there?” Joochan asks, dumping the plates and pan by the sink to wash later.

 

“Somewhere,” Youngtaek says vaguely, “I think we’re meant to keep it as a surprise. Daeyeol-hyung is cooking something up again, so I’d advise you to be prepared.”

 

The group of five trundle out as soon as their coats are on, and they tumble onto the roads with the chilly morning air biting slightly at their cheeks. But it _is_ a lovely day for a picnic, with the sun shining warmly down and countering the bite of the cold wind, and Daeyeol would never let them suffer (most likely, Donghyun hopes).

 

“Why are we walking towards the East side of campus?” Donghyun asks suspiciously, “There’s nothing there but - oh. Oh. The East side has a huge park, doesn’t it?”

 

“You spend too much time in the West Wing,” Seungmin offers, “The studios are all in the West, aren’t they? That’s why the hyungs’ wanted to take everyone out, I think… Something about us spending too much time working and none relaxing.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Joochan snorts, “I spend a lot of time relaxing when I’m supposed to be working,” He catches the look on Seungmin’s face, “It’s called procrastinating.”

 

“Have we told you?” Jangjun suddenly brings up when they’ve made a turn and are heading for the park, “Me and Youngtaek are heading out to rap next week. Do you guys wanna tag along?”

 

“Heading out as in…?” Donghyun asks, and Jangjun nods enthusiastically, “Why? For fun, or did someone say something again?”

 

“Some idiot said something,” Youngtaek says, a tad too lightly, “And we thought we’d give them a piece of our minds.” It’s a mark of how serious it actually is that a shadow crosses his face until Jangjun places a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Hey, take your feelings out next week, not now. Unless you want Daeyeol-hyung to start an in-depth emotional discourse on feelings again.”

 

“I see Bomin,” Joochan interrupts, “Is - Is that Jaehyun strangling him - what on earth -”

 

“You guys are here,” Jaeseok greets them, looking more than a little winded, “C’mon, we can go find somewhere to have this picnic,” Turning to Sungyoon, he asks, “Does Daeyeol-hyung realise he’s gonna have to break up the fight he started?”

 

“He’ll find out soon enough if we leave them alone,” Sungyoon replies, sounding as exasperated as Jaeseok looks.

 

“What’re Bomin and Jaehyun fighting about?” Donghyun’s rather nonplussed. Jaehyun’s hardly violent (Jibeom would like to protest. Before they started dating, Jaehyun had a startling tendency to push and hit him, though all in good fun and never to the point of bruising. He never did it anymore after they got together).

 

“Something about Jibeom’s affections?” Jaeseok ventured, “I think Daeyeol-hyung said something about Bomin having a sweet spot in everyone’s heart, and Jibeom kind of just agreed without thinking… Then Jaehyun said ‘What about me’ and everyone panicked and -” Jaeseok gestured at the squabbling people, “ - yeah. I don’t know why I bother, really.”

 

“It’s because of me,” Sungyoon says airily.

 

“Don’t go there, or we might end up like them.”

 

“You’re always right,” Sungyoon says with a smitten look.

 

“Disgusting,” Jangjun says at the top of his voice pretending to projectile vomit even as he snapped blackmail photos of the couple, who were admittedly very sweet to each other.

 

They arrive at a few of the picnic tables further inside the park; both Jaeseok and Sungyoon set down a basket each, the loud thump sending a jarring shock through the wooden tables. “The rest of the food is with Daeyeol-hyung,” Jaeseok mutters more to himself than to anyone. He casts a glance over the group, and smiles. It’s almost blinding. “We can get the food out right now, if you guys are hungry - this is more of brunch than anything.”

 

Beside him, Sungyoon squeezes his hand. “You go walk around with the kids or something,” Sungyoon says, and the rest immediately try to make themselves scarce, “I’ll handle the food and the disaster that’s heading our way. You’ve already had to pack most of the food.”

 

“You helped - ” Jaeseok starts.

 

“And I want you to rest,” Sungyoon cuts in, “I know you’ve been wanting to come to the park since we came for our date months ago. Go,” He says and gestures towards the lush expanse of green, “Call me if you need anything.”

 

Smiling, Jaeseok leans over to kiss Sungyoon. “Right back at you,” He says, an almost shy expression taking over his features as Sungyoon asks for another kiss. “Alright, who wants to go take a walk with me?”

 

“I’ll go!” Donghyun volunteers.

 

Eventually, Jaeseok walks off with Donghyun and a slightly irate Jaehyun who had just arrived. “My own boyfriend loves the maknae over me!” Jaehyun whines petulantly, not bothering to keep his voice low, thus attracting a few concerned glances from park-goers.

 

“Unbelievable,” Donghyun agrees, just to pacify Jaehyun.

 

“Deal with it,” Jaeseok says, “I’ve accepted the fact that Sungyoon loves the maknae first, and honestly? I agree. Bomin is easy to love.”

 

Jaehyun looks thoughtful for a while. “Maybe you’re right, hyung. But - oh! I’m willing to bet I know someone who doesn’t love Bomin first,” He says triumphantly.

 

Jaeseok side eyes him suspiciously as they pass into the flower garden. “Are you sure - _oh shit, wait_ -” And he cranes his neck to look at Donghyun, a sly look passing over his features, “Yeah, Jaehyunnie, you’re right.” They keep on the sly look and keep Donghyun in the dark all the way until they return to the group.

 

“ _Who is it_?!” Donghyun bursts out, a dangerous pout on the cusp of forming. He misses the worried glance Joochan gives him as he sits down beside him. Reaching over to grab a sandwich, he catches Joochan’s inquisitive gaze and starts explaining. “Oh - Jaehyun was complaining that Jibeom loves Bomin more, and Jaeseok told him to get used to it, but they agreed that they know someone who doesn’t love Bomin first - and they won’t tell me!”

 

Joochan chokes on a bite of his own sandwich.

 

“Guess you know too, hmm?” Jaehyun pipes in, a wicked grin blooming.

 

Donghyun rounds on Joochan, eyes already wide and pleading and lips pursed in a pout. “You know? Tell me, please?”

 

Joochan is so, so weak.

 

“Poor boy,” Jaeseok sighs. “By the way, thanks for covering me,” Sungyoon kisses his forehead by way of reply, far too entertained by the unfolding scene in front of him to reply.

 

“Joochannie,” Donghyun says, dragging out the last part of his nickname in an effort to make Joochan tell him.

 

“Ye - ah,” Joochan’s voice breaks. “I - well - I mean - I -”

 

“What he means,” Jangjun breaks in brightly, “Is that it’s him.”

 

“Him?” Donghyun asks.

 

“Him,” Jangjun confirms.

 

“Me?” Joochan says weakly.

 

“You,” Jibeom chimes in.

 

“I - Yes,” Joochan gives a start when everyone looks at him, “Um - look! It’s Daeyeol-hyung! Look, what’s he doing with Bominie -” And for the most part, manages to distract the others.

 

“Do you really love me more than Bominie?” Donghyun asks amusedly, though there’s a wave in his voice that doesn’t go unnoticed.

 

Joochan has always been honest. “Yes,” He says, forcing himself to meet Donghyun’s gaze, “I - You’re more important to me,”

 

Donghyun smiles. He smiles like spring has bloomed when winter’s over, and though he doesn’t answer, Joochan doesn’t think he needs an answer.

 

* * *

 

 IV. Stressed Out

 

To put in mildly - _mildly_ , Dongyun must stress - he is utterly, utterly _stressed_. Joochan would like to disagree.

 

“You’re freaking out,” Joochan points out carefully, eyeing Donghyun whose obsessively monitoring his own dance practice that he had recorded on his phone, “Your performance is a month away. You’ve already nailed it and if you nail it anymore you’re going to blow everyone not just out of the water but back into the sky.” Clearly, Donghyun’s not listening to him, whatever he might want to say to reassure the other, so he leans over and plucks the phone out of Donghyun’s meek grasp.

 

Even then, it takes a while for Donghyun to react, a statement of how wiped out he is. “Hey,” Donghyun complains, tiredly glaring up, “Give it back. I didn’t finish monitoring my routine.” He holds his hand out expectantly but Joochan gives him a judgemental stare.

 

“That’s what you said when I asked you that two hours ago,” Joochan says, “I think you’ve monitored all that you can today. C’mon, let’s go get something to eat.” He neglects to mention that it’s 5 in the evening - a weird time for any sort of meal, but Donghyun hadn’t eaten lunch and neither had he, waiting for the other to finally realise his hunger.

 

“‘M not hungry,” Donghyun says dismissively, “You go eat.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere unless you pick your ass off the floor and go eat with me,” Joochan grumbles, but Donghyun arches an eyebrow back at him, too tired to realise he’s probably hungry and too hungry to be his usual sweet self. It’s then that a thought occurs to Joochan. “Hey, I’m taking you out,” He says loudly, and reaches over to their closet to throw a nicer shirt at Donghyun, “Let’s go somewhere to eat.”

 

From beneath the shirt, Donghyun lets out a small yelp. “I - What? You’re -”

 

“Taking you on a date to eat something,” Joochan growls, “Or you’ll waste away in our apartment and all the hyungs will kill me for not taking care of you.” Ignoring Donghyun’s mildly offended _I’m an adult, I can take care of myself!_ Joochan chucks a pair of jeans at Donghyun. “Chop chop. I’m starving and so are you. I heard from Jibeom that the new food court has really good food.”

 

“Do you really trust Jibeom’s taste in food?” Donghyun asks dryly, “Turn around, I’m changing.”

 

Joochan obliges. “Well, if Jaehyun didn’t have any complaints about it I’m gonna assume it was fine… On second thought, maybe -”

 

“No,” Donghyun says as threateningly as he can, voice muffled by his shirt, “You’re not getting yourself out of this date.” Then, as though his brain woke up again, he emits a startled squeak, “I - I mean, I - I -”

 

As it is, Donghyun gets easily irritated and runs his mouth much more easily when he’s hungry and tired. “You’re right,” Joochan says seriously, still facing away from Donghyun, “I was wrong. Are you done? We might catch the lovebirds there since it’s Saturday…”

 

“You want us to third-wheel them?”

 

“It’s not third-wheeling if it’s a double date - Have I ever told you you look really cute when you’re flustered -”

 

“Shut up. I’m ready,”

 

They’re out the door and in the streets a few moments later, winter starting to settle over them and the wind carrying the first hints of a bitter cold. “It’s getting cold,” Donghyun remarks offhandedly after a while, scenery apparently distraction enough to take his mind off things, “We should probably get our heating looked at. I swear I’ll move out if it breaks down again like last winter.”

 

“It wasn’t too bad,” Joochan says, speaking louder now over Donghyun’s protests, “I liked it when we had to share body heat. Do you know you’re really warm? And you like to cuddle in your sleep?”

 

“Please stop flirting for everyone else’s sake,” Jaehyun’s exasperated voice floats over to them somewhere behind them, and they turn to find Jaehyun and Jibeom attached - hypocritically - at the waist, hands intertwined and looking very much like a couple.

 

“Look who’s talking,” Donghyun accuses after he gathers himself, “You’re the one who’s holding hands and wearing matching scarfs and everything.”

 

“Unlike you, we’re dating,” Jibeom points out, in all fairness, “And we thought we were alone. I can’t believe y’all flirt so much when you’re alone. What is it like back at your apartment? Does Joochan every leave you alone? Or do you encourage him?”

 

“Don’t encourage _them_ ,” Jaehyun says after watching both Joochan and Donghyun freeze and stutter for excuses, “The next time we meet you’ll see them fawning over each other if they get used to the public eye. Are you guys finally dating?” He addresses the question to the still-fumbling pair, totally unbothered by the way they yelp and send him glares.

 

“No!” Donghyun says.

 

“Yet,” Joochan corrects him.

 

“Yet?” Donghyun asks weirdly.

 

Joochan nods emphatically.

 

Jibeom watches the exchange with interest. “If you guys are done communicating silently, do you wanna eat something?”

 

“It’s 6,” Jaehyun says.

 

“Early dinner,” Jibeom compromises, “If you get hungry later we can always bother Jaeseok-hyung.”

 

“I still don’t understand how you guys managed to get the luck to live all together like that,” Joochan sighs, falling into step beside the couple.

 

“Technically, it’s not together,” Jaehyun says, taking a sharp corner for the food court, “We just happen to live in the same block with individual rooms. Our luck _was_ pretty good though. Our dorm is on campus, with a communal kitchen and all that. You guys have to live this year on the apartment off-campus right? I heard the rooms are bigger.”

 

Donghyun shrugs. “Subjective. There’s maybe space for another of those tiny university desks, but the bathrooms are so much better.” There’s an accompanying grimace from the on-campus residents. “Ah - is this the food court?”

 

They come to a stop before what looks like a relatively new shopping complex, with a food court dominating most of its front entrance, with a separate entrance to enter the shopping complex itself. “You’d think a lot of our students would be here, considering it’s quite near campus,” Joochan says, just as a few of their same-year acquaintances pass by them.

 

“Speak of the devil,” Donghyun mutters in his ear, and they exchange a smile.

 

“I’m going to puke,” Jaehyun announces, “Too much flirting. Jibeommie, can you get me the same?”

 

“Be right back. Get a seat for us, yeah?”

 

“‘Course,”

 

“Hypocrite,” Donghyun says disappointedly, shaking his head, “C’mon Joochannie. What do you wanna eat?”

 

“ I think I’ll have… Is that sushi? Settled, I’m having sushi.” Eventually, Donghyun decides on Japanese as well after much dithering, and they make their way back to where Jaehyun had saved them a table.

 

“Took your time,” Jaehyun greeted, in the middle of feeding Jibeom a bite of his fried rice, “Hurry up and eat. It isn’t good to walk home after 8.”

 

“Do the rest really put up with you guys being like this all the time?” Donghyun demands, looking very much put out, “I think I’ve lost my appetite.” Then he blanches further when they kiss right in front of him, “Guys! I’m _right here_ -”

 

 _Click_.

 

“What? I’ve never seen you look so disgusted before,” Joochan says fascinatedly, peering at his camera screen and snickering, “You’re going to have great photos on social media on your next birthday.” If he’s being honest, Donghyun still looks super cute in his eyes, so who’s the real winner here?

 

Donghyun’s fist narrowly misses the loosely-held chopsticks in Joochan’s hands. “And here I thought those photos were for your eyes only, you traitor -”

 

Jaehyun chokes opposite them. “ _For his eyes only_? Joochan, what kind of photos do you have on that camera of yours?!”  

 

Needless to say, Donghyun spends the rest of dinner and the walk back to their dorms trying to convince Jaehyun that everything on Joochan’s camera is perfectly fine. “There’s a lot of embarrassing photos that Donghyun promises he’ll slaughter me if I show them to anyone,” Joochan chimes in after Donghyun exhausts his monologue. “We’re home, you guys go that way right?”

 

“Bye,” Jibeom agrees, dragging Jaehyun away and heading in the opposite direction, “See you in class!”

 

Behind Joochan, Donghyun produces his keycard and they enter their apartment block, making their way up the stairs to the second floor, his bunch of keys dangling from his fingers. As they walk up, Joochan can’t help but feel like a heavy cloud had settled over them with the departure of their friends; while he can’t see Donghyun’s expression, he’s almost sure his face settled into something akin to melancholy.

 

It’s with slightly shaky hands that Donghyun opens the door, and as soon as he walks in, he’s accosted by everything he forgot when he was out.

 

The sight of his dance trainers, his phone that has received a call from his dance captain as coincidence would have it, his bag thrown haphazardly in the corner and his textbooks and papers stacked beside his bag. All of a sudden, he’s reminded of how much he has to do, how much responsibility he’s carrying, and - how _stupid_ could he be to forget all of that and go out to eat and have fun - _how could he_ -

 

“ _\- hyun_ , Donghyun, do you wanna talk?” Joochan’s soft voice filters into his thoughts, like he’s walking on eggshells, and Donghyun _hates it_. Hates that he can’t express his feelings well enough that Joochan feels the need to be careful around him, hates that he can’t handle stress well enough, hates that he feels like a burden when it comes to things like this, even though he knows full well that all of his friends are more than willing to help him, hates that the voice overrules all logical thinking.

 

“I -” Donghyun starts, but he can’t get the words out, tears starting to swim in his eyes, and he dashes at them angrily, “I - I’m just - I have so much to do, and I’m not good at doing things like this, then there’s my recital and I can’t get that move down -” He stops abruptly, too overwhelmed to straighten his thoughts, “I’m _sorry_ , I - it was a great night out, it’s not your fault - _I’m sorry_ \- I just -” Biting his lip, he shakes his head and he looks at Joochan, who had been standing close and listening intently. “I’m sorry,” He finally tacks on desperately, “I - I didn’t mean to -” _Be a burden_ , his mind supplies helpfully, and Donghyun is reminded that the voice in his head often gets the best of him at the worst of times.

 

Slowly, warm hands enclose his, but Donghyun doesn’t look up, willing himself to hold it together for just a bit longer. “You can cry,” Joochan says gently, “I’m not here to judge you. It’s been hard for you, you need time to relax too.”

 

He can feel Donghyun’s hands tremble in his hold.

 

“Donghyunnie, I care,” Joochan says, voice progressively growing softer so it’s barely a whisper, “All the hyungs’ do, Jaehyun cares, Jibeom cares - if you wanna talk to one of them I can go call them for you.”

 

“No,” Donghyun says after a long while, sounding hoarse with the strain of trying to keep his sobs in, “I don’t - I want you -” His voice wobbles dangerously, and then he’s choking out, “Please - I wanna - my room - please - please come with me?”

 

“Anything,” Joochan promises, and the moment Donghyun is in his room his legs give out and he starts crying. Joochan’s arms curl around his waist tentatively, giving him the option to back out if he wants; he presses close to Joochan and hides his face in Joochan’s shoulder, steady flow of tears dampening his shirt.

 

Then they simply sit there on Donghyun’s bedroom floor, quiet marked by small hiccups and the occasional sniffle. One of Joochan’s arms is around his waist and the other combing softly through his hair, while Donghyun’s hands clutch weakly at fabric around Joochan’s back. Like this, Joochan’s warmth encompassing him, this must be what it’s like to be loved, Donghyun registers dimly as he works his way through the pent up tears.

 

“You’re okay,” Joochan says in a low voice, words muffled by the way he’s kissing Donghyun’s hair, “You’re okay. We’ll work through this together.”

 

And - Donghyun didn’t know he needed to hear those words until he heard them. How Joochan does this - comfort him and care for him and make him laugh - like it would hurt himself if he didn’t, and the more Donghyun falls for him, the more Joochan is the lighthouse to his boat, giving him peace and calm when he can’t find it himself, bringing him back to safety.

 

“Joochan - thank you,” Donghyun says, voice raspy with crying, and he feels so light-headed with relief, like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and like this, close and warm and soft, he wants to tell Joochan everything. “Really, thank you,” He says, clearing his voice and looking at Joochan, their limbs entangled, “I - I really - You’ve helped me so much and - and you have no idea how much it means to me,” He takes a breathe, wanting to say what’s really on his mind, but Joochan’s smiling and he’s struck dumb.

 

“You’ve helped me so much too, Donghyunnie, this isn’t a one-sided relationship,” Joochan hugs him tighter, closer, “You’re the world to me. Do you wanna go to sleep?” Donghyun’s halfway in his lap, knees on either side of his hips and arms clenched around his middle; Joochan wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“I -” Donghyun decides that he can always tell Joochan another day and gives a weak nod, still feeling too lightheaded to do anything more passionate than that. “Sounds good but - stay with me? Tonight?” He voices his request in a whisper, more shy than afraid.

 

“Like I said, anything for you,” Joochan says easily, like he isn’t making Donghyun want to curl in on himself, “Do you want water? Anything? Change your clothes?” He loosens his grip on Donghyun’s waist, intent on getting up, but a quick flash of fear over his face makes him stop in his tracks.

 

“I - Don’t leave me,” Donghyun pleads, “I - I don’t wanna be alone.”

 

That admission makes Joochan’s heart ache. While they’ve been roommates for years even before coming to live together in this dorm, Donghyun had never given him a reason as to why he would want someone to stay with him for a night every now and then; for Donghyun to admit that he would be alone, that the voices and demons in his head would come back, that he wasn’t infallible and having Joochan with him would help him - either way, he’s incredibly touched that Donghyun would tell him that, and makes his mind up to not go anywhere.

 

“Okay,” Joochan says, “Okay. Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

 

“Ye - Yeah.”

 

That night, they don’t go to sleep. Joochan isn’t the miracle pill to Donghyun’s stress and anxiety, even though he does help. Donghyun still shakes, his tears still flow, his words a constant stream of _I’m sorry, I shouldn't be like this_ that Joochan can only refute with tighter hugs and reassurances that he’s safe, he’s in good hands. It’s almost near dawn when Donghyun falls asleep, tired out by crying, though he looks much more relieved than before.

 

It’s only then that Joochan is able to fall asleep, heedless of time. He watches Donghyun sleep for a while, smooth breathing often interrupted by a blocked nose, and the first pulls of slumber claws at his exhausted mind, but he resists its temptations for a while; the overwhelming need to make sure Donghyun’s okay, that he’s not hurt and he won’t cry anymore is more important to him than anything else.

 

When the afternoon sun shines in, Donghyun wakes up to the sound of what he thinks is Joochan cursing and Jaeseok’s laughter. It echoes from the kitchen through the space of his ajar door, and he can smell food being cooked. There’s a slow rumbling of voices that’s steadily growing louder - he can pick out Jangjun’s ‘inside voice’ and Youngtaek’s muffled snickers, Bomin’s giggles and Daeyeol’s reprimands.

 

Even though the ache of his breakdown still weighs down heavily on him, he can’t help but let a small smile creep up his face. His family’s here, with him, and he wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

* * *

 

 V. Slow Dancing

 

Considering all things, the dance recital went excellently, in Joochan’s opinion.

 

“I turned too fast in the first group performance,” Donghyun says hollowly once the adrenaline has worn off and he’s reviewing the performance, “And I almost missed the timing in my duet. Fu -”

 

Before Joochan can even open his mouth, a loud shout makes them turn, hearing it even through the throng of people mulling around in the auditorium. “ _Kim Donghyun_!” Jaehyun yells from a mile away, pushing his way to them and dragging Jibeom with him, “You did so great! I’ve never seen you dance contemporary before, and you got a duet! It was -”

 

“ -Awesome,” Jibeom agrees warmly, relinquishing his hold on Jaehyun’s hand, “Jaehyunnie wouldn’t stop whispering in my ear about your dance moves. I’m afraid it went all over my head -” Jaehyun hits him, “ - cause I know nothing about dance, but that was great. I think Bominie was in tears.”

 

“I was not!” Bomin said indignantly, him and Daeyeol having fought his way through the crowds to their small group, “The air was dry and I have very sensitive eyes.” He turns to Donghyun, who looks bemused, trying to actually see if his eyes were red. “Hyung, this is from the group. They wanted to give you better flowers than Joochan-hyung,” He adds on, as if trying to explain for the gaudiness of the bouquet he’d just presented, and Donghyun can’t help but snort at the ridiculousness of it all.

 

“Really,” Donghyun starts, “It’s not a competition. You know I’d love anything that you guys get me anyway,”

 

“You guys don't know his favourite flowers,” Joochan says loudly, eyeing the bright reds and yellows Donghyun currently held. Earlier, he'd met Donghyun backstage as soon as he finished, presenting him with a bouquet of dark blue roses and silky white lilies.

 

Donghyun blushes deeply as Bomin shoots him a betrayed glance. “I thought you liked bright colours?”

 

“I - I like Joochannie’s better this time,” He admits shyly and glosses over the entire subject, bringing up the flowers to hide his face, “But I should be going to the after party… I'll probably just skip it after a half hour, so we'll meet you guys at the restaurant?”

 

“Alright!” Jaehyun says cheerfully, “Call us if you need a ride - I'm sure Daeyeol-hyung will give you one if you need it. Enjoy the after party as much as you can!”

 

The rest bid a goodbye as Joochan follows Donghyun back to his dressing cubicle. “It's a shame Jaeseok-hyung couldn't participate this time,” Joochan says thoughtfully as Donghyun places the vibrant bouquet beside the significantly more calming one from Joochan.

 

“His health is more important,” Donghyun says sternly, “It wouldn't be good for him to participate and faint after he finishes again like the last recital. He can still join again for the next summer recital anyway. I’m sure the captain would love to have him back! Jaeseokie-hyung is a great dancer,”

 

“Always logical,” Joochan says, smiling, “You’re changing for the after party right? I might be slightly underdressed,”

 

Donghyun glances over, preoccupied with sorting out his clothes, “I'm taking a shower too, I smell. But you look great, it's fine.”

 

“Am I supposed to trust your dressing taste?”

 

“Yes,” Donghyun replies absentmindedly, “‘Cause you love me. I'll be back in 10 minutes.”

 

“Love you too!” Joochan calls as Donghyun exits his dressing cubicle lugging his exercise bag. Clearly, Donghyun hasn’t heard him, but no matter. Joochan's phone chirps and he fishes it out - it's a congratulatory text from Sungyoon, and also a apology as to why him and Jaeseok couldn't attend.

 

“You guys dating?” A voice sounds from the cubicle next to theirs and Joochan looks up from his phone.

 

“No,” Joochan says warily, “Not yet. Who are you?”

 

“Oh,” The guy says sheepishly, “Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude - you guys are really cute and my boyfriend keeps talking about how Donghyun-ssi is always talking about someone named Joochan so I assumed it was you and we thought you guys were dating,” He says all this very fast in one breath and Joochan is strongly reminded of Youngtaek, “My name's Han Jisung. My boyfriend's Lee Minho, also in the dance team and he did the duet with Donghyun-ssi,”

 

“Jisungie?” Another voice floats over, distinctly sweeter, “Where are - oh, here you are - ah, who are you talking to?”

 

“I'm Hong Joochan,” Joochan says standing up, “I'm Donghyun’s - er, friend. And it's okay, by the way,” He adds to Jisung, “It's just some people aren't too kind when they assume things,”

 

“What did you say?” The second guy demands of Jisung, “I’m sorry, Joochan-ssi. Also, Donghyun might have or have not told you, but I'm Lee Minho -”

 

Just at that moment - “Minho-hyung!” Donghyun greets brightly, having returned from his shower, “What're you doing here?”

 

“I met Jisung-ssi,” Joochan says, “And you never told me Minho-ssi was your duet partner. I didn't even know who was dancing with you up there just now.”

 

Donghyun’s eyes go wide. “I - forgot,” He says, sounding suspiciously shifty.

 

“He didn't tell you about me because he wants your eyes on him only,” Minho informs Joochan imperiously, a mischievous smile lighting his face up and laughs when Donghyun blubbers.

 

“That's not - I didn't - Minho-hyung!” Donghyun whines, lips high in a pout.

 

“You're cute,” Joochan says airily, “So it's okay. Are you guys going to the after party?”

 

Minho eyes them and says, “I can see why Jisungie thought you guys were dating. We’re going but not for too long, just to eat and leave with my friends from the dance team as well. You guys wanna head over to the ballroom upstairs together?”

 

"Sounds great," Donghyun says, though he's still fiddling with his tie and can't get it to sit right where he wants it.

 

"Let me do it," Joochan says amusedly, taking the tie from him and retying it with ease, "Here you go. You _do_ know how to wear a tie right?"

 

" _Yes_ you idiot," Donghyun grumbles, tightening it before stowing his bag away in the common lockers and spinning the combination. "Alright, I'm ready - Minho-hyung, are you ready?"

 

"Yeah - lemme just - _aha_!" He successfully wrestles his locker door close before his bulging bag wins and flicks at the combination. "Yay - let's go!"

 

"Ah, hyung, you're so cute," Jisung says, reaching out for his hand like it’s second nature and clasping their hands together.

 

Strangely, the couple's interactions remind Joochan of him and Donghyun and how they act - they often go around like this regardless of who's beside them or in earshot as long as they're comfortable, and watching Jisung and Minho is probably how their friends look at Joochan and Donghyun.

 

Strange.

 

"Stop spacing out, Joochannie," Donghyun teases as they step into the elevator, "Have you caught Jaehyunnie's habit? I don't remember you spacing out often,"

 

"I was thinking - about stuff," Joochan says vaguely, "Besides, Jaehyunnie spacing out is a next level of spacing out. No one will ever know what he's thinking about it."

 

"I disagree," Donghyun says out of the corner of his mouth as they pass into the ballroom, "I can bet you Youngtaek-hyung can space out just as well if he wants too,"

 

Joochan narrows his eyes at Donghyun, "Really? You wanna bet?"

 

"It's on," Donghyun says cheekily. They approach the buffet tables and it takes everything in him not to devour everything - there's beef and chicken, pasta and rice, all sorts of desserts and it's foodie haven.

 

"Ohmygod - Jisungie let me go - I'm starving -" Minho struggles for a while before pouting and whining a little, “Jisungie! I’m hungry, you don’t want me to _starve_ do you?”

 

"Hyung," Jisung says slowly, hands tight on Minho's arm, "Did you not eat before your recital? What have you eaten the whole day? You're never so hungry, not even after dance practice -" He turns to Donghyun, "Donghyun-ssi, what has my idiot hyung been eating today?"

 

Donghyun shoots Minho an apologetic glance. "Uh - he drank some milk? And I think some of the triangle bibimbap? Like, two of them?"

 

"Hyung!" Jisung says, exasperated.

 

"I was nervous!" Minho says like it's an excuse.

 

Now it's Joochan's turn to be worried. "Donghyunnie, what did you eat? Please tell me you eat something,"

 

"Well - I ate the food Youngtaek-hyung brought me in the middle and some milk that Captain bought... I felt like I was gonna throw up if I ate anymore,"

 

"At least you ate the rice," Joochan says with some relief, "C'mon let's get you some food -"

 

Yet before they can even pick a plate up, a man in a smart uniform swoops in on them. "You're Kim Donghyun?" He asks, "Participated in the duet? With Lee Minho?"

 

"Oh - yes," Donghyun says, standing a little straighter, "Minho-ssi is here as well,"

 

Minho starts from his squabble with Jisung. "What - oh, yes, I'm Minho."

 

The man smiles warmly, showing a bright set of teeth, "Well, I came over to congratulate both of you. Your captain mentioned both of you were outstanding dancers, and she was right. I assume this is your first time dancing contemporary?"

 

"Yeah," They answer simultaneously, exchanging a nervous glance.

 

"Well - I'd like to offer a conditional offer to both of you and your captain as well. I'll pass more information to your captain at a later date, but for now, here's my business card. It's nice to meet you,"

 

Taking the card, Donghyun scans it fast. _National Contemporary Dancing Association, Talent Scout, Lee_ \- and he looks up wildly, heart thumping in his throat. “Sir,” He starts, “I - You’re - You really -”

 

The man nods, patting him and a shell shocked, speechless Minho on their shoulders, “I see talent,” He says quietly, “I know contemporary dancing is new to both of you, but we’re looking to incorporate a new branch in the future, and it would suit you very well,” He leaves them with a warm smile and Donghyun feels like he’s swimming in cotton. Yes, he came to be scouted, yes, he was expecting to be scouted, but to be scouted by a _national company_ -

 

“We made it!” Minho whisper-yells in his ear as he glomps Donghyun, “We made it!”

 

“We made it,” Donghyun agrees, blinking back his tears fiercely, the card held tight in his trembling hand. He’s got a chance at making dancing his future and - he’s _ecstatic_. He clutches back at Minho just as tight, everything he’d been working for his whole life finally coming into fruition.

 

“I made it,” Donghyun says to Joochan as soon as Minho lets go to glomp Jisung instead, “I made it!”

 

“You did,” Joochan says, almost lifting Donghyun off the ground with how enthusiastically he hugs back, “You did so well, my lo - you did so well,”

 

“Thank you,” Donghyun murmurs, sighing a full-bodied sigh that makes him feel years younger, “You wanna hang around a bit more before we ditch?”

 

“Might wanna,” Joochan says with a lilt in his voice, “I see a few more people approaching us.”

 

Joochan’s right. Both he and Minho are offered places by several other dancing acts and companies; while they’re not as big nor as prestigious as the National Contemporary Dancing Association, Donghyun appreciates every single one of them. The difference is that Minho gets more placements in hip-hop dancing while he’s offered spots in modern dancing.

 

By the time they leave the ballroom just over a half hour later, Donghyun has a few business cards in his wallet. Stopping by the dressing cubicles to grab their stuff, they stop at the lobby.

 

“Well,” Minho says cheerfully, “We part here. I’ll see you the next recital, right? Bring your hyungs’ too! I miss them bossing the captain around -”

 

“Don’t tell them that captain misses them,” Donghyun says through his laughing, “You guys are okay with your transport?”

 

“Our hyung is coming to pick us up,” Jisung says, glancing at his phone, “Yeah - he’s on his way. How bout you guys? I’m sure Channie-hyung doesn’t mind giving you guys a ride -”

 

“It’s okay,” Donghyun declines politely, “We’re headed just to the restaurant just around the corner, it won’t take us 5 minutes to walk. Thanks though!”

 

“See you!” Minho bids them before they rush through the North corridor, laughter and goodbyes echoing down the hallway.

 

“Let’s go!” Joochan yells, shrugging his coat away, “Race you to the other entrance!”

 

“Hey!” Donghyun laughs, feet tearing after Joochan and footfalls heavy on the marble flooring. Joochan, of course, arrives at the entrance first and Donghyun almost barrels into his arms when he doesn’t stop in time. “ _Don’t_ do that again,” Donghyun says.

 

“Then I will,” Joochan says offhandedly, “C’mon, the rest will want to celebrate even more - we’ll be kicked it in the first 15 minutes,”

 

“You think they haven’t been kicked out already?” Donghyun replies dryly as they make their way down the brightly lit sidewalk, bag bouncing against his leg every other step with his excitement.

 

“Oh, let me take that, you’re going to hurt your leg,” Joochan says, and hoists the bad onto his shoulder.

 

Donghyun looks at him with some doubt. “It’s heavy, are you -”

 

“You sound like you don’t know I heft around camera equipment everywhere I go,” Joochan reminds him, “And speaking of which, I let Jibeom take my camera stuff… I really hope it’s okay,” He trails off as they arrive at the restaurant and walk in. They don’t even need to tell the waitress where their friends are, because the moment they walk in, a loud cheer resounds from a large table near the back (where they’ve presumably been seated to reduce the noise complaints, but sadly, to no avail).

 

“There,” Donghyun tells the waitress, “Our idiot friends,”

 

The waitress suppresses a smile and leads them over, telling them she’ll be back to take their orders and leaves them.

 

“You did so well!” Jaeseok gushes over the other side of the table as soon as they sit down, “I saw the official video on the website - You’re good in contemporary!”

 

Donghyun grins goodnaturedly, shifting his chair closer to the table, “Thanks hyung! You’re going to join the summer recital, right? Daeyeol-hyung, you too? Everyone misses you bossing the captain around,”

 

“Mijoo-unnie is still being over-the-top?” Jaeseok asks, laughing, “I’m surprised she went with contemporary this year since she’s really good in streetdance,”

 

“What’re you guys doing for summer?” Daeyeol asks, “Or is it a secret that Mijoo won’t tell anyone?”

 

Donghyun presses his lips together and mimes zipping his lip. “It’s all hush, hyung. Mijoo-unnie says she’ll tell everyone much, much later. Not even our deputy captain knows, in fact. But,” Donghyun leans in conspiratorially, voice dropping, “Someone said that they heard unnie say that we’re doing _ballroom dancing_ ,”

 

“Ballroom dancing,” Daeyeol repeats, looking slightly incredulous, “Well, that’s definitely a surprise… Is she going to make us tapdance across the floor to our partners and waltz to a grand finale?”

 

“Don’t give it flak until you’ve tried it,” Jaeseok says sternly, “And what do you guys wanna eat? I think the waitress is coming back.”

 

“We’ve eaten,” Joochan says, “Free food at the after party, so we might just… not eat,”

 

Donghyun agrees, so the rest end up placing orders for the food and Daeyeol forces everyone to share dessert, some sort of lava cake that the waitress recommends - “perfect for large groups like you guys!” - and they’ve moved on to discussing Donghyun’s conditional offer by the time their food has arrived (the racket they had caused when Donghyun told them had prompted a very irate waiter to tell them to _keep it down_ ).

 

“The conditional offer is to work as a travelling performer after I graduate,” Donghyun says, twiddling his fingers, “For at least three years before I can choose where to base myself in. I got other offers as well - some as a commercial dancer and there was another company offer too.”

 

“Three years…” Jaeseok mulls over the words slowly, “Right after you graduate? Did the man say anything about conditions and pay?”

 

Donghyun shrugs. “Didn’t get that far yet… Besides, I know it’s a national company, but I know the other company… It’s smaller, much smaller, but I was actually aiming for them, and they gave me an offer! No travelling unless I want to - otherwise they’ll base me here and I’ll be dancing locally. Like, teaching people and making choreographies and performing concerts,” He forestalls when Bomin opens his mouth.

 

“Do you kind of know which offer you’ll take?” Sungyoon asks, and the noise level drops all of a sudden.

 

Casting his eyes downwards, Donghyun chooses his words carefully. “I mean - the _national association_ gave me an offer - I’d be an idiot to turn it down, right?” Then he takes a breath and ploughs on, “But I dunno - I’ll only be… 21 when I graduate, and it feels a bit scary to just - just start travelling internationally for three years.”

 

“And the other offer?”

 

“That one…” Donghyun’s been aiming for this company since the first dance video he saw from them - he saw them incorporating various dance styles in one song alone, and the quality of dancing from all of their dancers are impeccable, even if they _are_ a small company, “I’d love to work with them too… I don’t know…”

 

“You’ve got another year,” Joochan reminds him abruptly, “You’ll know the answer when the time comes. And who knows, maybe you’ll get a better offer after the next few recitals,” He gives Donghyun an assuring smile, “You have plenty of time to worry about it… Why don’t you celebrate right now?”

 

“Yeah!” Jangjun cheers, “You’ve got great offers, so let’s celebrate!” Right on cue, the dessert arrives, all melted chocolate and decadent cake and - who is Donghyun to resist this?

 

“Yeah!” He says back with equal enthusiasm as they start squabbling around for cake before Jaeseok shushes all of them and dishes out portions of it after everyone’s done taking photos.

 

“Daeyeol-hyung’s paying for this,” Jaehyun mumbles with a mouthful of cake, and everyone agrees. The clamour of their combined agreements drowns out Daeyeol’s pitiful retort (which in all fairness, he _is_ paying for 11 people) and the bill is settled.

 

Out in the fresh air of the parking lot, there’s a small debate of where do they go now. “We could camp out in someone’s house,” Jibeom suggests, “We haven’t done that in a while.”

 

“Who the hell says ‘ _camp out_ ’ anymore,” Jaehyun side-eyes his boyfriend.

 

“Me,” Jibeom says firmly, ignoring Jaehyun’s snark.

 

“Sounds good,” Seungmin says, not giving any heed to the lovers’ quarrel.

 

“Can we go to your place?” Bomin asks Donghyun, “We haven’t been there in months… since August? Or before that?”

 

“People will have to sleep in the living room,” Joochan reminds him, “We should draw lots - the last time was _terrible_ that’s why no one came over for ages,”

 

“No - we were at their place after August,” Sungyoon was saying, “Remember? When Joochan called all of us at, like, dawn and we all went to cook breakfast? We needed to buy a lot of bread - babe, your memory is really -”

 

“Really _what?_ ” Jaeseok says sharply, raising his eyebrows, and Sungyoon falls silent.

 

Jangjun coughs, and it sounds a lot like, “Whipped!”

 

“Settled,” Daeyeol says loudly, “Let’s go to their apartment. Who’s going in whose car?” After much arguing, they settle for splitting by age, and so Donghyun and Joochan go with Jaeseok. They’re accompanied by Jaehyun, Jibeom and Bomin, who had been let loose by a very reluctant Daeyeol.

 

“The hyung’s aren’t going to make it in one piece,” Jaehyun says critically, watching Daeyeol reverse his car with difficulty, “We’ll get there at least 15 minutes before they do.”

 

He’s proven right. “Woah, you’re right, angel,” Jibeom says with wonder as Daeyeol’s car pulls up 20 minutes later than theirs, “Are you a psychic or something -”

 

“I can’t believe you call him _angel_ ,” Bomin interrupts.

 

“Have you looked at him? Jaehyunnie looks like an angel with his bleached hair -”

 

“Hyung looks like he didn’t finish his dye job -”

 

“You know what Jaehyunnie? I love only one - _one_ \- person and it’s you,”

 

“Defend my honour, my love,” Jaehyun says, though his eyes are trained on the the hyungs’, “Also, my hair is beautiful and if you don’t like it that sounds like a you problem,”

 

“It doesn’t _work that way_ ,” Joochan says, appalled by their conversation.

 

“Finally here,” Sungyoon mumbles, and opens his arms for Jaeseok to fall into, “I swear, I’m never going into a car with Jangjun and Youngtaek again. Never. Never again. I thought I would go deaf. And Daeyeol-hyung’s driving while he’s distracted -” He shivers, “- terrible. Terrible.”

 

By the time they’ve made everyone go upstairs, they’ve worked their way through another argument - this time about Youngtaek’s blue hair - and they all collapse cohesively into a group in the living room. It’s the most teamwork they’ve shown all day.

 

“We have absolutely nothing to feed you, by the way,” Donghyun says, voice muffled by the pillow he’s buried his face in, “So tomorrow is breakfast outside unless someone goes grocery shopping again.”

 

“You guys always have nothing in your kitchen,”

 

“We eat on campus more often,” Joochan says.

 

Shedding his coat, Donghyun sits up, legs folded beneath his thighs and scans the room, a warm feeling encompassing him as he regards his group fondly.

 

“Feeling sentimental?” Joochan asks beside him.

 

“I just - I love everyone,” Donghyun says, watching Jibeom and Bomin’s argument spiral into something else, with Jaehyun egging them on enthusiastically, “And some of the hyungs’ are graduating after the winter… I wanna spend more time with everyone, together,” And then he turns to look at Joochan, slowly reaching for his hand, “I wanna spend more time with - with you,” He’s steadily turning a red colour, but he’s still looking.

 

Rendered speechless, Joochan can only return the gaze and squeeze Donghyun’s hand tighter.

 

Their sweet moment is soon broken - though, really, any moment would have broken with how many people are with them. “Oh, go to your room or something,” Jangjun says with a shade of irritance, “You’re stinking up the room with love. It’s enough with _them_ ,” He jerks his head at Jaehyun and Jibeom, “And those as well,” He motions to Sungyoon and Jaeseok, “Honestly, is love in the air or something -” He breaks off into song, accompanied by Youngtaek.

 

“Should we go somewhere?” Joochan asks, and Donghyun shrugs. Joochan takes that as a yes, and they sneak out of the living room, aided by the cacophony that is Jangjun now initiating a rap battle with Youngtaek.

 

They want peace. And quiet. So they escape to the rooftop for some fresh air, because of Jangjun’s comments and also because their small apartment was made even more cramped by an additional nine people, none of them particularly small bar for one (don’t tell Seungmin), and while Donghyun loves having everyone over, it’s nice to escape for a while.

 

“It’s amazing up here,” Donghyun sighs, “Remind me why we don’t come up here?”

 

“We wake up too late and get too lazy at night,” Joochan says, laughter edging his words, “Come here, you. You’re gonna be freezing - why’d you leave your coat downstairs?”

 

“Was hot when we were there,” Donghyun says, distracted by the night view, “Let’s go to the warm corner.” They head over to the only shielded corner where it’s warmer and spread out the soft blanket they’d pilfered from their mess of a living room. “Ah, it’s really nice here… It’s already so dark,”

 

“It’s almost winter,” Joochan says. Every cell in him is trained to notice how their hands are almost touching, pinkies just shy brushing against each other; he wonders if he has enough bravery to turn over Donghyun’s hand and hold it. It’s at that moment that he remembers what he’s prepared, and he looks over at Donghyun to say something, question poised at his mouth but -

 

Donghyun’s looking at him with those eyes, that gaze, and he _can’t remember what he wants to say_.

 

It’s like they’ve just seen each other despite being together for the past few hours or so, the few lights in the corner barely lighting up their vision. Even half shrouded in the darkness, Donghyun still glows with what little light, and Joochan’s camera isn’t all that good at taking night shots but since when does he care?

 

 _Click_.

 

Unperturbed by the camera, Donghyun breaks the silence first, “You were going to say something.” With a jolt Joochan realises they’re very much closer all of a sudden and Donghyun’s hand is on top of his.

 

“I -” Joochan casts his mind back, wondering what he wanted to say and - “Oh, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to listen to something?” He laughs lowly, slightly abashed.

 

“Of course,” Donghyun says immediately, “What is it?”

 

“It’s - It’s something I did,” Joochan says slowly, taking his phone out, “I arranged a piano piece - I mean, it’s been a long time since I did something on the piano and it’s completely new - I don’t know if -”

 

“Let’s listen to it,” Donghyun interrupts him gently, squeezing the back of his hand affectionately and Joochan nods tightly.

 

He puts the audio on and places his phone face down, taking a slow breath just as the first notes of the piano sound through the clear night air. Listening to it feels like second skin to Joochan - he’d repeated it again and again until he thought he’d gone off, until he was humming the song when he was distracted. The novelty of the song and the beauty of it had worn off slightly after so many times of hearing it, but it’s nice, nonetheless and -

 

Donghyun had closed his eyes, mouth parted slightly, like he’s dancing to the song in his mind, and this is more than Joochan could have asked for. The rising chorus of notes linger in the air even after it’s passed; the melody plays around them like a stairway up into the sky decorated with each puff of breath that passes from their lips, reaching into the stars and beyond.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Donghyun says after he’s sure the song’s ended and it’s started again, “Really.”

 

“I’m glad,” Joochan says, “I’m glad you like it.” They let the song play on loop endlessly, hands now laced together, albeit loosely, and Joochan redirects his gaze to the night sky as a thought occurs to him. “Dance with me,” He murmurs lowly after a while, eyes newly trained on Donghyun and the way the rooftop lights cast silhouettes on his features like it’s a shadow play, “Please?”

 

At that, Donghyun shifts, turning to look and Joochan, “It’s your song,” Donghyun says as their fingers interlock together more securely, “I’ll follow you.” They stand up together, the coolness of the night sky finally settling in.

 

Slowly, Joochan pulls Donghyun closer until they’re close, one hand on his waist and the other still interlocked together as Donghyun moves his free hand to rest on Joochan’s shoulder. The soft notes of the song that Joochan had composed filters out again on loop, nostalgic melody melding and echoing into the falling darkness, but they don’t move. Not yet. In this muted darkness with the soft glow of the lights, he looks ethereal, eyes soft with affection and the corner of his lips upturned.

 

“May I?” Joochan whispers, and Donghyun nods. He spins Donghyun slowly, and when he returns, pressed close once again, they laugh, attempting a version of a waltz of some-sort. They move around clumsily, straying away from their shielded corner until they can’t hear the music anymore and they’re dancing to the rhythm of the breeze and the beat of the flickering street lamps.

 

Dancing with Joochan is unlike dancing with anyone else. There’s no choreography but they move together easily; there’s no steady beat that he has to follow - instead, he follows Joochan’s lead then leads Joochan, alternating with a squeeze of a hand or a lock of their eyes; there’s no discerning melody or music anymore but that’s not concerning.

 

Joochan has stars in his eyes when he looks at Donghyun.

 

Breathless, they eventually stop by the railings. The night view of the university campus and surrounding town is beautiful with an undisturbed tranquility, but neither of them look at this.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Joochan says, hand coming up to rest on the curve of Donghyun’s cheek, “You really are.”

 

“Says you,” Donghyun returns, one hand hooked around his neck and the other pressed between them, “You don’t see yourself.”

 

A moment of comfortable silence passes as they lock gazes, and maybe - _maybe_ \- the redness on Donghyun’s cheeks isn’t from the exhilaration of his dance recital nor the stinging cold wind. The longer he looks, he can see flecks of gold and black in the warm brown of Donghyun’s eyes; his mouth is slightly pouty in the way it is when he doesn’t realise he’s doing it; his cheeks are full and even the oft unflattering yellow light makes him look radiant. Joochan is so in love. “Hey,” He starts, “Can I - Can I kiss you?” He can feel Donghyun’s hands tense then relax. _Like he’s nervous_ , Joochan thinks.  

 

“Yeah,” Donghyun whispers, “Yeah.”

 

“Yeah,” Joochan repeats back, feeling like his heart is thumping in his throat.

 

Letting his instincts guide him, Joochan moves his hand from cupping Donghyun’s cheek to supporting the back of his neck and he bends his head closer as Donghyun moves in. Like this, they’re so close, and Joochan can see Donghyun’s eyelashes, the small laugh lines that he loves so much, the way his blush extends across his cheeks and - _they’re so close_. He sees Donghyun’s eyes flutter close and he follows suit. There are no firecrackers or loud bells or raucous friends to witness them.

 

They kiss slowly, softly, as if time waits for them and eternity is all the sunrises of tomorrow.

 

It’s not like Donghyun knows much about kissing - he’s never kissed anyone else before - and though it’s just a press of their lips together, it feels - it feels like he’s complete, like he’s found his home and his security. There’s a serenity they have together that Donghyun doesn’t have when he’s alone, and the bubbling feeling in his chest overflows into his heart, over his lips; he wants Joochan to know.

 

“Okay?” Joochan says in an undertone, speaking against his lips, almost kissing.

 

Donghyun can feel the words against his own lips, and it stirs up tiny butterflies in him. “Okay,” He says. Stutters when he wants to get the words out too fast, “Kiss me again, please?”

 

The second time around, the wind blows stronger, and Joochan lets go of pretence, pulling Donghyun flush against him and wraps his free arm around his waist, pressing their lips together a little more insistently; Donghyun throws his arms around Joochan’s neck, fingers lacing together. The wind is cold but the red on his cheeks aren’t from the cold.

 

They break off slowly, unwillingly, and they’re still close, foreheads flush together and breath mingling, rising into the frigid air as fire smoke does. Joochan opens his eyes.

 

“I love you,” He says, “I love you. So much.”

 

Donghyun doesn’t open his eyes, but he smiles. “I love you too,” He says, “I always have.”

 

When he opens his eyes again, he sees warmth in Joochan. He sees it in the way his eyes reflect the rooftop lamps and glow with the blaze of a thousand different browns; the way he smiles, small and soft and entirely affectionate - a smile meant only for Donghyun to see; the way his arms are warm and the way he holds them together, not tight nor suffocating, but supportive and comfortable.

 

“So have I,” Joochan murmurs.

 

The only witness to their confessions are the night and the silence it brings; the words they say don’t disappear mist-like into the air, but into each other’s ears and the words delve into their hearts. The bubbling feeling has long overflowed.

 

* * *

 

 +1 I Love You

 

Joochan has known Jaeseok for years, yet he’s clearly forgotten he likes to leave the curtains open, because, “The sunlight will wake me up without needing to use an alarm, and god knows I need to get up earlier than anyone else in this goddamn household -” Jaeseok had been cut off by a slightly guilty looking Sungyoon, and the conversation topic was redirected to Jaehyun’s bleached hair yet again.

 

Joochan finds himself squinting at the window, its view unobstructed by their usual curtains, allowing the unusually bright sunlight to stream in, and Joochan is momentarily blinded. They’d crashed in his bedroom, accompanied by Jaeseok and Sungyoon on the floor with a pile of pillows and a blanket. He makes to sit up properly, intending to get up and do something about the sun, but he can’t and -

 

His arms and legs are tangled with a sound-asleep Donghyun.

 

Donghyun, who he’d kissed last night, who he’d confessed to last night, who’d spent the whole night outside with him dancing. Donghyun, who’s face is sleep-creased with the sunlight glinting off his body, and whose body warmth he can feel radiating strongly because they’re so close. Strongly overcome with love - god, he’s so in love with Donghyun - he gently threads his fingers through Donghyun’s soft locks, gaze soft and adoring.

 

It’s to this that Donghyun wakes up, lulled awake by the repetitive combing of his hair and the growing warmth of the sun. “I - Joochan?” He says sleepily, voice gravelly due to sleep, “What time is’sit?” He yawns at the end of the sentence and cuddles back into the bed, tugging Joochan’s arm to serve as his bolster.

 

“Nearly seven,” Joochan answers quietly so Jaeseok and Sungyoon don’t wake up.

 

“Come back to sleep, it’s still so early.” Donghyun mutters, and tugs Joochan until his head hits the pillow and they're looking at each other again.

 

“Hey, Donghyunnie?” Joochan says after a while.

 

Donghyun doesn’t respond, and Joochan thinks he’s fallen back asleep when he emits a sleepy, “Hmm?”

 

“Be mine?” Joochan breaths, arm sliding around Donghyun’s waist.

 

“Already am, you idiot,” Donghyun murmurs.

 

And Joochan will commit this scene to his memory forever. Donghyun, eyes closed and sleepy smile, shots of golden sunlight breaking through his hair and lighting his skin up; a small, breathy request of _kiss me, please_ and the warm press of their lips together; Donghyun, falling asleep slowly with mussy hair, fingers laced together tightly and bodies pressed close.

 

“I love you,” Joochan says, even though Donghyun is already asleep, “I love you so much,”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hahahahah so sweet you'll need a dentist visit amirite? unfortunately i never want 2 read this again ive read it enough times to make myself puke so if uve read it and u wanna read it again i just wanna thank you <3
> 
> ALSO IM JUST GO ON ABOUT DONGHYUN'S SOLO PERFORMANCE AT KCON 2018 WOW HE WAS OUT FOR BLOOD AND HE GOT THAT GODDAMN B L O O D im finna gonna cry BUT ALSO have y'all heard Let Me omg it is g r e a t the best bop 11/10 recommend guys go listen!!! hahaha but i just saw weekly idol and WOW DONGHYUN but also i cant velieve i stan a bunch of idiots also jaehyun is so Cute did u see him when he was deadass pouting at the water game like @jibeom how do you even act normally around an angel
> 
> when i hit 8k words and i wasnt even halfway done with the fic is the exact point where youngtaek says "Candles and blood for a sacrifice,” bc i was going crazy and cried a bit. it's fine. it almost turned into crack. arent u proud of me for not turning it into crack?? should i write a crackfic?? i dont know how 2 write a crackfic rip
> 
> hahah also guys i might wanna write a bongbeom fic in the same universe so u might wanna look out for it (working title is Angel because bong jaehyun is a whole angel and no one can convince me otherwise)!!
> 
> did yall see the stray kids cameo im sorry i love them too babies coming back right after golcha my wig is not only snatched but torn
> 
> ok but real talk i hope you guys enjoyed this!! i literally poured my blood sweat and tears into this and it was supposed to be short. i planned for it to be 6k at most *dead laughter* so if you liked it leave a kudo and/or drop a comment! i love comments!!


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